I will no longer be serving a mission in the California San Diego mission, particularly the Mormon Battalion Historical Site, leaving July 7, speaking Spanish. I have been reassigned to serve in the Cleveland Ohio Mission, Kirtland visitor's center, leaving June 23, speaking English.
I guess I should tell the story from the beginning. Last Thursday, I got a phone call from a friend who is also in the nursing program with me who had her papers in (there are 4 of us in our semester who are going on missions this summer). The second she called, I knew she was going to my mission. Sure enough, my friend Katelyn was called to serve in the San Diego Mormon Battalion mission, leaving July 7th and speaking Spanish. A-maz-ing. We talked about how exciting it was going to be that we could be companions and would be getting back at the same time, etc. Then I went to Arizona on Friday and didn't get on a computer until Sunday night, when I got onto Facebook and saw that Katelyn had been reassigned to serve in the Cleveland (Kirtland) Ohio Mission, leaving June 23rd. She had her call to San Diego for only a day. While I was on Facebook, I also saw that one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, Alicia, had also been called to Kirtland, leaving June 23rd. I thought to myself, "wow! That's crazy! Small world!". When I woke up early the next morning, I saw that I had gotten a text message from my bishop that said "When do you leave for Ghana? And when do you come home? How can I best get in touch with you?" Right away I knew that I had been reassigned, because I could think of no other reason why my bishop would wonder in the middle of the night what my flight schedule was. After I texted him, he called me minutes later and told me that the missionary department had reassigned me. Before he could even tell me where, I said, "Let me guess. Kirtland, leaving June 23rd?". He was amazed I knew, and confirmed that that was where I would be serving my mission. We talked for a few minutes, then I was left alone to think.
There's been a delay in announcing this change because I needed time to think, figure out my feelings, and absorb the change. Although I found out about 7 am Monday morning, I didn't really tell a mass amount of people until Wednesday afternoon (thank you Facebook) because I was tired of getting texts messages and questions about San Diego. It hurt too much and I needed people to know. And only now am I finally getting around to blogging about it, because I needed to figure out how I feel. So if you don't want to read a long emotional explanation, stop reading here. But if you are brave and daring, buckle up.
My emotions are everywhere. Truly. When the bishop and I hung up on the phone, I just sat in the room and started to cry. hard. In fact, I may or may not be tearing up just re-living it. I truly felt/feel like my world was kinda thrown up into the air. But you know what, I think it's okay to cry. It's okay for me to feel upset that what I had been planning for and getting excited for is not going to happen. For those who are not LDS, you should know that having a reassignment of a mission call is VERY rare. 98% of the people I talk to have never heard of anyone getting their call switched, especially after having a call for 3 1/2 weeks. It's not easy. You plan, you prepare, you purchase, and then you hit a wall. It's especially hard because of how different San Diego and Northeast Ohio are. San Diego is warm, sunny and beautiful year round. Kirtland will have ridiculously hot/humid summers and extremely cold and snowy winters, thanks to the lake effect. When you get your call originally to someplace so beautiful, you prepare for beautiful weather. You pack up your winter coat and all your winter clothing and put it into storage. You go to stores and buy lots and lots of short sleeve blouses and summery skirts. Now I find myself having to return some of these outfits, and figuring out when I can get to my aunt's house to unpack all that winter stuff. For 3 1/2 weeks, for most of the day every single day, I would think about San Diego and get excited. SO excited. Absolutely thrilled would probably be a better phrase. Now when I think about San Diego, it hurts a lot. It doesn't help when on a flight from SLC to Baltimore you sit next to a Hispanic women from southern California, right outside San Diego. Or from Baltimore to Albany you sit next to a man who pulls out a bag that has "SAN DIEGO" written in great big letters across it. I can't let myself think about where I was going, because it really does only make me sick to my stomach or cry. I also have to try and not think about no longer learning Spanish, a dream/goal of mine for a long time. I have to believe that sometime I will learn it and be able to reach out to any Spanish-speaking patient I will have, and perhaps someday fulfill my dream of becoming fluent in a language (understanding Spanish and a little French just doesn't cut it).
I'm going into the MTC two weeks earlier than originally assigned. I know it doesn't seem like much, but those two weeks are actually making a huge difference. First of all, I'll only have 3 weeks (possibly a little less) to gather everything together for my mission. Also, I will no longer enter the MTC with one of my best friends, April, who is going to Spain on July 7th. But more than that, I have to do this alone. June 23rd (my report date) is the day that my brother Scott graduates from high school, so my parents need to be home to celebrate his graduation, so they cannot come out to Utah with me when I enter the MTC. This also means that I will no longer see Scott graduate from High School. Craig will be in Arizona for research with an astronomy professor there, and the day before I enter the MTC, Eric is flying to Arizona to drive Craig from an astronomy camp to Flagstaff, where he will be conducting the research, so Eric and Craig will also be unavailable. This means no one in my immediate family can be with me when I go back to Utah hopefully a couple of days early, and then enter the MTC on June 23rd. It breaks my heart.
I need to be clear about something, my heart break is NOT about Kirtland itself. Had I been originally called to Kirtland, I would probably be excited. The pain comes from the switch, seeing what I had, feeling how perfect it was, and now observing the changes. I've been to Kirtland before and it is a great place. It's filled with lots of church history and I'm grateful for the opportunity that I'll have to learn that history and share it with those who come to the site. Kirtland also has absolutely beautiful spring and fall months, from what I've heard. I know that I am going to love Kirtland. I know that for whatever reason, it is the right place for me to serve my mission, and someday I will recognize the reason why, whether it's before I leave, sometime during, or even after. This is just one of the trials that I have been given. One of my best friends told me that the Lord would not change a call of someone unless He knew they had the faith to be okay with the switch. This is a test of my faith. This is my time to show the Lord that I truly will go wherever He wants me to go. This is my chance to throw my life into the Lord's hands and say "Thy will be done". I know that everything is going to be okay. I know I'm going to love Kirtland so much that I am never going to want to come home. It's just going to take time.
It's not about the location, it's about the purpose. I'm going to be a missionary!! Even if I will be sharing the gospel in my native tongue, I'm still sharing the gospel. Even if I'm only going to be a few hours away from my family, I'm still separating myself from worldly things and giving myself to the Lord full-time for 18 months. I still have to exercise faith, and learn to rely on the Spirit. I will still get to meet AMAZING people, and let them change my life, as much as I hope to change theirs.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to love my mission. I'm going to give 110% of myself every single day for 18 months, with the Lord's supplication. I'm doing the right thing and I'm not turning back. No matter how hard it gets.
I could not possible show adequate appreciate to those who have shown such amazing love, concern, and support for me. Since Monday morning, I have had an overwhelming amount of support and advice coming in all different forms: text messages, emails, phone calls, facebook messages, facebook wall posts, person-to-person interaction, meaningful hugs, a shoulder to cry on, crying with me, and even staying in the car with me and talking until 4:45 in the morning. I am especially grateful for all the prayers. I feel so blessed to have such amazing support from all around, from all different people. It's all of you who are answering my own prayers and letting me know that I'm going to be okay.
There's been a delay in announcing this change because I needed time to think, figure out my feelings, and absorb the change. Although I found out about 7 am Monday morning, I didn't really tell a mass amount of people until Wednesday afternoon (thank you Facebook) because I was tired of getting texts messages and questions about San Diego. It hurt too much and I needed people to know. And only now am I finally getting around to blogging about it, because I needed to figure out how I feel. So if you don't want to read a long emotional explanation, stop reading here. But if you are brave and daring, buckle up.
My emotions are everywhere. Truly. When the bishop and I hung up on the phone, I just sat in the room and started to cry. hard. In fact, I may or may not be tearing up just re-living it. I truly felt/feel like my world was kinda thrown up into the air. But you know what, I think it's okay to cry. It's okay for me to feel upset that what I had been planning for and getting excited for is not going to happen. For those who are not LDS, you should know that having a reassignment of a mission call is VERY rare. 98% of the people I talk to have never heard of anyone getting their call switched, especially after having a call for 3 1/2 weeks. It's not easy. You plan, you prepare, you purchase, and then you hit a wall. It's especially hard because of how different San Diego and Northeast Ohio are. San Diego is warm, sunny and beautiful year round. Kirtland will have ridiculously hot/humid summers and extremely cold and snowy winters, thanks to the lake effect. When you get your call originally to someplace so beautiful, you prepare for beautiful weather. You pack up your winter coat and all your winter clothing and put it into storage. You go to stores and buy lots and lots of short sleeve blouses and summery skirts. Now I find myself having to return some of these outfits, and figuring out when I can get to my aunt's house to unpack all that winter stuff. For 3 1/2 weeks, for most of the day every single day, I would think about San Diego and get excited. SO excited. Absolutely thrilled would probably be a better phrase. Now when I think about San Diego, it hurts a lot. It doesn't help when on a flight from SLC to Baltimore you sit next to a Hispanic women from southern California, right outside San Diego. Or from Baltimore to Albany you sit next to a man who pulls out a bag that has "SAN DIEGO" written in great big letters across it. I can't let myself think about where I was going, because it really does only make me sick to my stomach or cry. I also have to try and not think about no longer learning Spanish, a dream/goal of mine for a long time. I have to believe that sometime I will learn it and be able to reach out to any Spanish-speaking patient I will have, and perhaps someday fulfill my dream of becoming fluent in a language (understanding Spanish and a little French just doesn't cut it).
I'm going into the MTC two weeks earlier than originally assigned. I know it doesn't seem like much, but those two weeks are actually making a huge difference. First of all, I'll only have 3 weeks (possibly a little less) to gather everything together for my mission. Also, I will no longer enter the MTC with one of my best friends, April, who is going to Spain on July 7th. But more than that, I have to do this alone. June 23rd (my report date) is the day that my brother Scott graduates from high school, so my parents need to be home to celebrate his graduation, so they cannot come out to Utah with me when I enter the MTC. This also means that I will no longer see Scott graduate from High School. Craig will be in Arizona for research with an astronomy professor there, and the day before I enter the MTC, Eric is flying to Arizona to drive Craig from an astronomy camp to Flagstaff, where he will be conducting the research, so Eric and Craig will also be unavailable. This means no one in my immediate family can be with me when I go back to Utah hopefully a couple of days early, and then enter the MTC on June 23rd. It breaks my heart.
I need to be clear about something, my heart break is NOT about Kirtland itself. Had I been originally called to Kirtland, I would probably be excited. The pain comes from the switch, seeing what I had, feeling how perfect it was, and now observing the changes. I've been to Kirtland before and it is a great place. It's filled with lots of church history and I'm grateful for the opportunity that I'll have to learn that history and share it with those who come to the site. Kirtland also has absolutely beautiful spring and fall months, from what I've heard. I know that I am going to love Kirtland. I know that for whatever reason, it is the right place for me to serve my mission, and someday I will recognize the reason why, whether it's before I leave, sometime during, or even after. This is just one of the trials that I have been given. One of my best friends told me that the Lord would not change a call of someone unless He knew they had the faith to be okay with the switch. This is a test of my faith. This is my time to show the Lord that I truly will go wherever He wants me to go. This is my chance to throw my life into the Lord's hands and say "Thy will be done". I know that everything is going to be okay. I know I'm going to love Kirtland so much that I am never going to want to come home. It's just going to take time.
It's not about the location, it's about the purpose. I'm going to be a missionary!! Even if I will be sharing the gospel in my native tongue, I'm still sharing the gospel. Even if I'm only going to be a few hours away from my family, I'm still separating myself from worldly things and giving myself to the Lord full-time for 18 months. I still have to exercise faith, and learn to rely on the Spirit. I will still get to meet AMAZING people, and let them change my life, as much as I hope to change theirs.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to love my mission. I'm going to give 110% of myself every single day for 18 months, with the Lord's supplication. I'm doing the right thing and I'm not turning back. No matter how hard it gets.
I could not possible show adequate appreciate to those who have shown such amazing love, concern, and support for me. Since Monday morning, I have had an overwhelming amount of support and advice coming in all different forms: text messages, emails, phone calls, facebook messages, facebook wall posts, person-to-person interaction, meaningful hugs, a shoulder to cry on, crying with me, and even staying in the car with me and talking until 4:45 in the morning. I am especially grateful for all the prayers. I feel so blessed to have such amazing support from all around, from all different people. It's all of you who are answering my own prayers and letting me know that I'm going to be okay.
This is hard, but this is right. This pain will become incredible joy. Kirtland will soon hold my heart.
Sorry for such an incredibly long, rambling post. There are just so many thoughts in my head...
