Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hermana --> Sister

I know that by now most people are aware of this, but it's not official til it's blogged, right? And again, it's one of those things where those that read my blog get the real story and the true feelings. Lucky you guys. Or unlucky as the case may be.

I will no longer be serving a mission in the California San Diego mission, particularly the Mormon Battalion Historical Site, leaving July 7, speaking Spanish. I have been reassigned to serve in the Cleveland Ohio Mission, Kirtland visitor's center, leaving June 23, speaking English.

I guess I should tell the story from the beginning. Last Thursday, I got a phone call from a friend who is also in the nursing program with me who had her papers in (there are 4 of us in our semester who are going on missions this summer). The second she called, I knew she was going to my mission. Sure enough, my friend Katelyn was called to serve in the San Diego Mormon Battalion mission, leaving July 7th and speaking Spanish. A-maz-ing. We talked about how exciting it was going to be that we could be companions and would be getting back at the same time, etc. Then I went to Arizona on Friday and didn't get on a computer until Sunday night, when I got onto Facebook and saw that Katelyn had been reassigned to serve in the Cleveland (Kirtland) Ohio Mission, leaving June 23rd. She had her call to San Diego for only a day. While I was on Facebook, I also saw that one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, Alicia, had also been called to Kirtland, leaving June 23rd. I thought to myself, "wow! That's crazy! Small world!". When I woke up early the next morning, I saw that I had gotten a text message from my bishop that said "When do you leave for Ghana? And when do you come home? How can I best get in touch with you?" Right away I knew that I had been reassigned, because I could think of no other reason why my bishop would wonder in the middle of the night what my flight schedule was. After I texted him, he called me minutes later and told me that the missionary department had reassigned me. Before he could even tell me where, I said, "Let me guess. Kirtland, leaving June 23rd?". He was amazed I knew, and confirmed that that was where I would be serving my mission. We talked for a few minutes, then I was left alone to think.

There's been a delay in announcing this change because I needed time to think, figure out my feelings, and absorb the change. Although I found out about 7 am Monday morning, I didn't really tell a mass amount of people until Wednesday afternoon (thank you Facebook) because I was tired of getting texts messages and questions about San Diego. It hurt too much and I needed people to know. And only now am I finally getting around to blogging about it, because I needed to figure out how I feel. So if you don't want to read a long emotional explanation, stop reading here. But if you are brave and daring, buckle up.

My emotions are everywhere. Truly. When the bishop and I hung up on the phone, I just sat in the room and started to cry. hard. In fact, I may or may not be tearing up just re-living it. I truly felt/feel like my world was kinda thrown up into the air. But you know what, I think it's okay to cry. It's okay for me to feel upset that what I had been planning for and getting excited for is not going to happen. For those who are not LDS, you should know that having a reassignment of a mission call is VERY rare. 98% of the people I talk to have never heard of anyone getting their call switched, especially after having a call for 3 1/2 weeks. It's not easy. You plan, you prepare, you purchase, and then you hit a wall. It's especially hard because of how different San Diego and Northeast Ohio are. San Diego is warm, sunny and beautiful year round. Kirtland will have ridiculously hot/humid summers and extremely cold and snowy winters, thanks to the lake effect. When you get your call originally to someplace so beautiful, you prepare for beautiful weather. You pack up your winter coat and all your winter clothing and put it into storage. You go to stores and buy lots and lots of short sleeve blouses and summery skirts. Now I find myself having to return some of these outfits, and figuring out when I can get to my aunt's house to unpack all that winter stuff. For 3 1/2 weeks, for most of the day every single day, I would think about San Diego and get excited. SO excited. Absolutely thrilled would probably be a better phrase. Now when I think about San Diego, it hurts a lot. It doesn't help when on a flight from SLC to Baltimore you sit next to a Hispanic women from southern California, right outside San Diego. Or from Baltimore to Albany you sit next to a man who pulls out a bag that has "SAN DIEGO" written in great big letters across it. I can't let myself think about where I was going, because it really does only make me sick to my stomach or cry. I also have to try and not think about no longer learning Spanish, a dream/goal of mine for a long time. I have to believe that sometime I will learn it and be able to reach out to any Spanish-speaking patient I will have, and perhaps someday fulfill my dream of becoming fluent in a language (understanding Spanish and a little French just doesn't cut it).

I'm going into the MTC two weeks earlier than originally assigned. I know it doesn't seem like much, but those two weeks are actually making a huge difference. First of all, I'll only have 3 weeks (possibly a little less) to gather everything together for my mission. Also, I will no longer enter the MTC with one of my best friends, April, who is going to Spain on July 7th. But more than that, I have to do this alone. June 23rd (my report date) is the day that my brother Scott graduates from high school, so my parents need to be home to celebrate his graduation, so they cannot come out to Utah with me when I enter the MTC. This also means that I will no longer see Scott graduate from High School. Craig will be in Arizona for research with an astronomy professor there, and the day before I enter the MTC, Eric is flying to Arizona to drive Craig from an astronomy camp to Flagstaff, where he will be conducting the research, so Eric and Craig will also be unavailable. This means no one in my immediate family can be with me when I go back to Utah hopefully a couple of days early, and then enter the MTC on June 23rd. It breaks my heart.

I need to be clear about something, my heart break is NOT about Kirtland itself. Had I been originally called to Kirtland, I would probably be excited. The pain comes from the switch, seeing what I had, feeling how perfect it was, and now observing the changes. I've been to Kirtland before and it is a great place. It's filled with lots of church history and I'm grateful for the opportunity that I'll have to learn that history and share it with those who come to the site. Kirtland also has absolutely beautiful spring and fall months, from what I've heard. I know that I am going to love Kirtland. I know that for whatever reason, it is the right place for me to serve my mission, and someday I will recognize the reason why, whether it's before I leave, sometime during, or even after. This is just one of the trials that I have been given. One of my best friends told me that the Lord would not change a call of someone unless He knew they had the faith to be okay with the switch. This is a test of my faith. This is my time to show the Lord that I truly will go wherever He wants me to go. This is my chance to throw my life into the Lord's hands and say "Thy will be done". I know that everything is going to be okay. I know I'm going to love Kirtland so much that I am never going to want to come home. It's just going to take time.

It's not about the location, it's about the purpose. I'm going to be a missionary!! Even if I will be sharing the gospel in my native tongue, I'm still sharing the gospel. Even if I'm only going to be a few hours away from my family, I'm still separating myself from worldly things and giving myself to the Lord full-time for 18 months. I still have to exercise faith, and learn to rely on the Spirit. I will still get to meet AMAZING people, and let them change my life, as much as I hope to change theirs.

I'm going to be okay. I'm going to love my mission. I'm going to give 110% of myself every single day for 18 months, with the Lord's supplication. I'm doing the right thing and I'm not turning back. No matter how hard it gets.

I could not possible show adequate appreciate to those who have shown such amazing love, concern, and support for me. Since Monday morning, I have had an overwhelming amount of support and advice coming in all different forms: text messages, emails, phone calls, facebook messages, facebook wall posts, person-to-person interaction, meaningful hugs, a shoulder to cry on, crying with me, and even staying in the car with me and talking until 4:45 in the morning. I am especially grateful for all the prayers. I feel so blessed to have such amazing support from all around, from all different people. It's all of you who are answering my own prayers and letting me know that I'm going to be okay.

This is hard, but this is right. This pain will become incredible joy. Kirtland will soon hold my heart.

Sorry for such an incredibly long, rambling post. There are just so many thoughts in my head...


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Oh ambitions...

So I was telling someone about how appropriate it is that I was wearing my scrubs when I opened my call (long story short: we ended up leaving the hospital in Salt Lake wayyyy later than we were supposed to so I was running really late and didn't have time to do anything but grab my call and computer to start the skype session) because it brought together my life goals of serving a mission and being a nurse.

Being a nurse has been a goal of mine since I was 4 years old and going on a mission has been a dream since I was 6.
Put a ring on my finger and a baby in my belly and I'd have all my life goals in one place.
...Although I feel like there are some contradictions in that statement...

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hermana Maughan!

How appropriate that this is my 100th post on my blog, since this is so significant....


I'm sure that by now either by Facebook, my family, my friends, or straight from me practically everyone has heard about my call, but just in case...I'm going to SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA, SPANISH SPEAKING!! Some of my mission I will also be serving at the Mormon Battalion Historic Site. Can I get a woot woot!? hehe. I report on July 7th, which happens to be my 21st birthday. So even though Facebook tells where I'm going, it's those elite people who read my blog that will know how I feel:

I have to admit I was very very surprised when I opened my call. It was nothing that I was expecting. Truly. Well, I guess that's only half true. I always thought that California is the place that I didn't belong, so half of me knew I would get called there. hehe. And yes, that is the truth ;) I didn't really know how to feel at first: Stateside? California? Spanish? Visiting Center?! All things that I had never seen when I pictured myself as a missionary, which I have since I was 6 years old. I guess I had always pictured myself in some far off foreign land learning some crazy psycho language, not know by a lot of people. I would have to say Spanish is DEFINITELY known by a lot of people haha. I even felt a bit guilty because of the way that I was feeling. I think all missionaries would like to say they didn't have any hopes of where they'd go, but I think deep down we all do. But I've always felt like missionaries end up getting called to the place that is perfect for them, but is the place they never expected. And surely that is the same for me.

The thing is, a month or two ago, I really felt strongly that things related to my mission were not going to work out the way that I was expecting. I had already seen that happen with my delay in putting the papers in and having to wait for my call longer than anticipated. And now the Lord does it again. I'm not doing what I'd thought I would be doing, but at the same time, I'm doing the EXACT same thing! I'm still preaching the gospel! I'm still sharing my testimony! I'm still serving the Lord! I'm even still learning a language! And on top of that, I'm even learning more about the history of the church then I might not have learned anywhere else. So really, what else matters?

I'm feeling a lot more confident about my place and time. It feels more and more right. I don't know why I've been called to San Diego, but I can probably guess some of the reasons. For instance, now I'll be able to speak Spanish fluently, a dream of mine, and a HUGE benefit for nursing. There's a good chance I'll end up being home for Christmas 2011. I'll be able to start school winter 2012, rather than wait until the next fall to continue studying nursing. I'll be stateside in case something does happen with my health (which, with my luck, is not that unbelievable). I get to find people when proselyting, and have people find me when at the visitor center. I get to force my tongue to finally learn to love spicy Hispanic food (that one may take awhile...). I'll be close to the GORGEOUS San Diego Temple (all my non member readers, click on the link! It's beautiful!). The weather in San Diego is perfect! I may not be able to swim in the ocean, but I will get to see the Pacific! I'll get to learn lots of church history about the Mormon Battalion! (PLEASE don't ask me right now though, I don't know even know what happened there! My mom (my seminary teacher) wasn't too thrilled with that haha).

I'm excited. It's been a long hard journey to get here. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually. There have been broken hearts, broken necks, and broken friendships. There's been difficult struggles with myself, feelings of inadequacy, and doubts of the right thing to do. But now that's it here, it's right. It's been a long time coming. I know I have a long hard journey yet to come. I know that preparing to go will be a challenging time. I know that the mission will be hard and tiring and demoralizing from time to time. But I know that it's the right thing for me to do. I KNOW that the church is true, so why would I really have doubts if sharing my testimony for 18 straight months, every single day, is the right thing? I don't. The Lord is amazing. He loves me, and everyone, and I'm excited to play a part in bringing people to an understanding of what's true. I love my Savior. I know this is right. And I'm ready....


Learning that I leave on July 7th, my 21st birthday. The really funny thing about that day is of all the people involved in opening my call, July 7th is a significant day for 4 of them. For me, Sara, and Michelle Brooksby (in NY on skype with my family), it is our birthday, and for April McMurray, it is also the day that she enters the MTC to Madrid Spain. I'm so excited we'll get to go in together!

It was really sentimental to hug my brother. Hence the tears.

My best friend Sara got her mission call the same day too! Philippines Naga Mission. She leaves in August. It's fun though because we were born on the same day and got our calls the same day.

Click on this to see it bigger. Notice that I will have "special training in conducting tours". haha




Monday, April 5, 2010

AHHHH!!!!

So funny story: I have been waiting longer than usual for my mission call. My papers went in three weeks ago today, but I still hadn't heard anything and had essentially given up on getting it this week because of conference. But I have a friend who put her papers in last Monday, and found out that her call was issued that Thursday (a few days ago) so I thought to myself, hmm....would I get that lucky? So I emailed my bishop and asked him if he wouldn't mind looking online. Fast forward about two hours, and I walking home from campus. I'm right in the middle of 7th north, smack dab in the center of the crosswalk when I get this text message from my bishop: "It says your mission call was sent on April 1st. You don't think it was an April Fool's prank, do you? just kidding. You should get it soon."

OHHHH MYYY GOSHHHH!!!
MY CALL IS COMING THIS WEEK!!!!!!


and the funny part is, I jumped up and down in the middle of the street for a while because I was so excited, until I realized there were still cars waiting for me to cross the street :)

Friday, April 2, 2010

You could just tattoo it to my face, if you'd like.

I'm a blogging machine recently!! Yes, I know that I have lots of things to do, but for some odd reason blogging sounds a lot more enjoyable than the things I actually have to do. hehe. Just think of this as compensation for the soon to be 18 months of silence. Well, 19. I doubt I'll be doing a lot of blogging in Ghana.

SPEAKING of which, ONE MONTH FROM TODAY I'LL BE IN GHANA!!! Halle-freaking-lujah. I'm so excited. I'm ready to be there. Well, almost. Still have to get some stuff together, prepare my lessons on women's health to teach down there, get some anti-malarial pills, and--you know--pack, but overall, it's coming up fast. I even went and got my vaccines last week! It really stinks that most insurances don't cover vaccines for travel to other countries, because my pocket sure took a hit for only three vaccines. But here's the funny part. I got two injections (Polio and Yellow fever) and then one oral typhoid vaccine because 1) it was a bit cheaper, and I, as you should know, am frugal and 2) it lasts for 5 years as opposed to two years, and I figured, you never know where you'll go. But the key with the typhoid pill is that you have take 4 pills, one every other day with 8-12 oz of water. But you can't miss a single day. If you do, you have to start the whole process all over, beginning with buying new pills, and that's not conducive with my frugality. So to help you remember, the manufacturers have thought of some clever ways to subtly remind you to take your pill.
1. These are fun little stickers that you write on and put one on the fridge and one on the bathroom mirror. They even labeled each one lest you put the fridge one on the mirror.


2. This is my favorite. A reminder bracelet! Remember all those LiveStrong bracelets that were all the rage in say, middle school?! Apparently they still make them! And you may not be able to read it (I have no idea why my hand is so red in this picture) but the bracelet says "Remember Oral Typhoid Vaccine". HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Really! It's clever, helpful, and most of all very fashionable. I'm tempted to never take it off. The website? www.reminderband.com. I'm going to do this for everything I ever need to remember. Ever. Think about it. You could have a whole to-do list that goes to your elbow, but instead of crossing it off, you'll just take a bracelet off. I like it.

Moving on. Have I mentioned that when Camille and I are in Salt Lake for clinical from Wednesday evening til Thursday afternoon or Friday afternoon we stay at her grandparents house? Well we've done this every week since September so I've grown really close to them. They are marvelous people. So this week, when we were there on Wednesday night, we found these mugs sitting on the table filled with chocolate! (They DO know me well!)
How cute is this?! Camille's mug is pink and says "girls love...SHOES!" with a little shoe instead. And it had a note on it that said "Happy Easter, we love you!" Seriously, how cute is that?!
And don't worry mom, I'm going to find a way to bring this mug back to NY safely so that you can appreciate it too :)